You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
