i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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