You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
