you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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