the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
