it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
