So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
