Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
