I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
