did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
