Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just had sex bonerless
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize