Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
