The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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