apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
