You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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