hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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