You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
