Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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