Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my being single is dangerous.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
