what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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