I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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