I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
