So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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