I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
