I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
NoShamevember. You game?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
