I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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