What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
