He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
