He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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