I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
