I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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