I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
