the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize