Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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