if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
