Just fell off a train. Bad.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
