There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
