This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
