i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
