The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
