I looked at my own cervix.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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