DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
