i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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