no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
