im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
