I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
