I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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