I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
