Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
