I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
