Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
