Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
