My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
