lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
