toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
