drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize