we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He felt like a one man threesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize