How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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