she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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