Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
