Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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