She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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