that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
