i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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