My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
