is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
