which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
