OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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