he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
