I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
