Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
