By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
