her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
