No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
