my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
