guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
