Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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