During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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