I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hippo gnu deer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
