just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
