now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
