i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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