just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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