i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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