I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
