I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
