Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
