he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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