Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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