My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
