So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
her facebook's as public as her vagina
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
