It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize