she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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