1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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