I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
