And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize