So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
